Multiple Sclerosis And Emotions

My wife has always been emotional. She has cried at the oddest things over the years and has grown angry over things that I wouldn't think really mattered. Mood swings have been a fairly common thing in our marriage, and last week we learned a lot about how the body is affected by those moods. We attended a training for our job to help troubled children with their emotions. The thought process behind the class had to do with a child acting out because they have no other way of processing their feelings. Little did I know that I was doing a horrible job of processing my own feelings.

My wife and I entered the class with some apprehension. There were mattresses in the corner and a group of about 30 other house parents in the room. We knew the class was supposed to help us with children that were suffering from attachement disorders and other disorders that they faced. We spent some time studying how the human brain handles stress and fear and how our bodies are affected by these feelings. I have always known that my wife's emotions and feelings really affected her physically, but I had never seen a presentation like this. We realized in the morning session that our bodies can give off all sorts of indicators that we are stressed, and that we affect the emotions and feelings of everyone around us through our physical actions and movements. Almost as if we give off a subconcious vibe to everyone around us that their subconcious reacts to. Sounds a little weird right?

That afternoon we soon found out exactly what the teacher was trying to get us to understand. Each one of us was placed in a group with a mattress. We then went through a breathing exercise designed to open up our lungs and allow us to feel what was going on in our body. After the breathing exercises we each took turns on the mattress telling a story from our childhood. I found myself lying on the mat telling my story and then I felt a lot of heat radiating from my face. One of the instructions we had been given was to find how our body reacted to the story, so I told the instructor and he also felt the heat. Over the next few hours we were shocked as each person shared about their lives and we could literally feel the heat or other reactions that their bodies were going through.

This was an eye opening experience for my wife and I. I had always known that her Multiple Sclerosis was affected by stress but what I didn't realize was how affected my body was by stress. I had physical hot spots and pain when dealing with some of those feelings. We spent the next day and a half getting in touch with gut level feelings and experiencing how our bodies, minds and others around us felt after these times on the mat. I honestly understand now why stress is causing my wife so many issues. Dr. Swank always told us that one of the first things you had to do if you had MS was to control the stresses in your life. I think I more fully understand that now. My wife's emotions usually come flooding out in crying or anger, and her body is usually punished for it. Sometimes she will lose some feeling or become very fatigued after a stressful situation and then she has to rest for a few days to get it under control. The first day we were in class my wife cried and cried and cried. She explains it as if her body is leaking the tears out because she can't stop them. This was only day one, so we had no idea how she would be affected later.

Overwhelmed With Multiple Sclerosis

MS can take over your life, and there have been a few times in our lives when it seemed like everything revolved around my wife's disease. We have had to be intentional about not letting the issues and problems take over and cause us to not live our lives to the fullest. Every once in a while we get complacent and stop doing the things we know that we need to do and then BOOM, MS strikes and brings us back to reality.

My wife and I have had a lot of talks about this situation. We have had to really think about what would happen in our future if she became sick, or if she was paralyzed or if we couldn't afford the health care she needed. There have been nights that I have not slept due to the anxiety this caused, and I know that she stresses over everything. I have even considered changing careers to help MS sufferers and have looked into medical school and other education to gain the knowledge I would need to really treat the disease. We still have a lot of decisions to make, and the part that stresses me the most is that we will never get away from it.

I really hate to give her disease that much control or power. Every once in a while we go through a period where we don't seem to think about her MS because it isn't affecting our everyday routine, but that doesn't happen very often. I guess everyday brings us closer to the fact that we need to be more intentional about diet, rest and care. I know that it is fear that is causing me so much anxiety and for the most part, it is fear of the unknown. Multiple Sclerosis has a sneaky way of affecting things at the just the wrong time and in just the wrong way, and the unknown is just that much harder to deal with. I know that once I get more rest I will be able to deal with all of this better, but it is in these moments that I realize how little control I have and how little power I have. Tomorrow will come, and my wife's MS will still be there, so we will continue to fight the disease and deal with the complications, but in the end we will win. The disease only has the power that we choose to give it, and fear only has as much control as we allow it. I would choose no other way than to fight, and today that choice is to have no fear.