Does MS Ever Take A Day Off?

Sometimes it would be nice if my wife's MS just took a day off. Don't get me wrong, we have a great life and her health has done really well, but there are some days that it would be nice to not have to worry about resting, eating certain foods and being proactive. For example, working at a Children's Home my wife and I don't have a whole lot of opportunities to date or spend time together. When we do have an opportunity we really need to take it so that we can nurture our marriage and keep our sanity with all of the kiddos running around. The struggle comes in when we finally have some time but my wife is not feeling well due to her MS. The past few times this has happened, she is having stomach issues or is just so worn out that she really needs the rest. Once she rests, she is fine, but by that point we have missed one of the few opportunities we have to spend together.

I do have to say that this last year has been tough. My wife's MS hasn't progressed any, but it has been a nuisance. I think that is where the rub comes in. Even with healthy spouses, it takes work to keep a marriage healthy and growing. It takes time and energy to nurture your spouse, and when you give the leftovers to your marriage, it begins to show. We have many responsibilities at the home, and this week is no different. We have kids to tutor, counsel, play with and just spend time with, and then we need to nurture our own child and marriage. Multiple Sclerosis complicates all of this. It seems like when things are running smooth, that is when MS hits. It may just be a sour stomach, or a headache, or fatigue, but it affects life. It affects the raising of your child, it affects your marriage, it affects your job, and it affects your everyday life.

Sometimes it is the icing on the cake. Life is already pressing in from all sides and then BAM! MS attacks and pushes you over the edge. Maybe it is time you can't spend with your child or energy you don't have for your favorite activity, and the frustration hits. Many MS patients we speak to have major bouts of depression that can really sideline them from life. As a spouse, it is hard to watch your wife go into a depressed state from MS. My wife hasn't had to struggle too much with depression, but when it does hit, it can really cause issues. In those moments, I sometimes feel helpless. I think that is one of the hardest parts of being a spouse of someone with MS, the helplessness I so often feel. As a man, I want to "fix" things and MS doesn't work that way. So often I just have to play a support role with the understanding that what I am doing may not help the MS symptoms at all.

All of this frustrates me as a spouse, but I know it drives my wife nuts. She has to deal with her body not functioning properly and responding or her stomach disagreeing with everything she eats. My daughter also has to deal with the frustration of all of this. There have been missed activities at school, missed opportunities to spend time with her and broken promises due to MS. All of this is really hard to swallow at times, but I wouldn't change anything about the choices I have made. I have a beautiful wife, a beautiful daughter and a life that is always changing and evolving and even though there are times I want to scream, I would do it all over again. Multiple Sclerosis doesn't seem to take a day off in our lives, but we always have choices. We will continue to do what we know and learn more ways to take back control of our lives, and live as fully as we can everyday. Multiple Sclerosis is a nuisance, but it doesn't have to be our life.

Depression And Multiple Sclerosis

The last few weeks I have sat through training on depression and had a dear friend lose his wife to depression. I have also sat in the car for hours this week and had time to discuss this topic with my wife. It amazes me how depression can take over and control your life. I know that my wife's MS has led to depressed states and moodiness. Every once in awhile she allows her MS to get to her and I can see her slip into a depressed mood. I can usually catch it and help her to handle the emotions, but there have been times that I am clueless and she is dealing with issues that come out later.

For my wife the depression seems to come from the way MS messes with her life and the unknown of the future. The "what ifs" can grow at times whether it is out of frustration with her body not cooperating, or an attack, or if life is just giving her struggles. She worries about being a great mom, great wife and being able to feel like she has something to offer the family. When you add in the unknown of what her MS will do from day to day and sometimes minute to minute, it can really stress her out. She gets overwhelmed and then begins to sink into a depressed state. I know that there have been times when she feels like she is receiving more than giving, and my daughter and I have to reassure her and love on her for who she is.

Multiple Sclerosis is so inconsistent in the way it affects my wife, and at the same time the inconsistency is always consistent. The inconsistency stresses my wife out when she is wanting to accomplish a goal or is focused on a task or her work. Right now she is nervous about going back to school because she doesn't know how her memory will affect things or if her body will hold up while trying to juggle school, work and our family. I know she can do it and hate to see her stressed when we are all here supporting her. At one point in our marriage she gained 30 lbs in 6 months due to depression from the work environment we were in. Over the years, we have learned to recognize the signs of depression for my wife and then take immediate action.

My wife has commented over the years that we are very fortunate to have a relationship where we can be raw and real with each other. More than anything else, I really think this has helped to release emotions and feelings that my wife carries with her. I know that over the last year my wife and I have grown more aware of her tendencies and as we learn more about how her body is affected by MS, we have been able to take more control over emotional highs and lows. It is hard to work through our junk, but as we work through the mess she is able to find more peace in her life which directly affects her health. Depression is serious and MS adds a whole different element to the struggle, but we will continue to press into each other and God to find peace.