Saturday, October 18, 2008

Overwhelmed With Multiple Sclerosis

MS can take over your life, and there have been a few times in our lives when it seemed like everything revolved around my wife's disease. We have had to be intentional about not letting the issues and problems take over and cause us to not live our lives to the fullest. Every once in a while we get complacent and stop doing the things we know that we need to do and then BOOM, MS strikes and brings us back to reality.

My wife and I have had a lot of talks about this situation. We have had to really think about what would happen in our future if she became sick, or if she was paralyzed or if we couldn't afford the health care she needed. There have been nights that I have not slept due to the anxiety this caused, and I know that she stresses over everything. I have even considered changing careers to help MS sufferers and have looked into medical school and other education to gain the knowledge I would need to really treat the disease. We still have a lot of decisions to make, and the part that stresses me the most is that we will never get away from it.

I really hate to give her disease that much control or power. Every once in a while we go through a period where we don't seem to think about her MS because it isn't affecting our everyday routine, but that doesn't happen very often. I guess everyday brings us closer to the fact that we need to be more intentional about diet, rest and care. I know that it is fear that is causing me so much anxiety and for the most part, it is fear of the unknown. Multiple Sclerosis has a sneaky way of affecting things at the just the wrong time and in just the wrong way, and the unknown is just that much harder to deal with. I know that once I get more rest I will be able to deal with all of this better, but it is in these moments that I realize how little control I have and how little power I have. Tomorrow will come, and my wife's MS will still be there, so we will continue to fight the disease and deal with the complications, but in the end we will win. The disease only has the power that we choose to give it, and fear only has as much control as we allow it. I would choose no other way than to fight, and today that choice is to have no fear.

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