Thursday, January 10, 2008

Balance of Life with Multiple Sclerosis

The last few weeks have been frustrating. My wife's MS has always affected the way we do things and we are used to changing things in our lives to accomodate the needs of her disease. We have changed jobs, moved to new places, tried different therapies and radically changed the way we live, but lately we have struggled to find balance in our lives. Her MS is not really causing any major problems right now, but it is the knowledge that it can hit at any time, to any degree, that really gets me. We really have no idea what tomorrow will bring. Lately we have been trying to figure out what our next step will be with our career and her health. I am currently helping my parents with their business and we know that we want to do something else. We have never shied away from taking control of our lives and making changes, even though we know that stress can have a negative affect on her MS.

I have been participating in MS forums lately, and I see all of the people out there that are hurting and trying to find answers. Some of these people have gone from great lives and careers, and now are on disability with little hope for a future. It really hurts me to see all of the pain and sadness, and especially the feeling of not being able to help. I have considered going back to school to study MS in some type of medical career or psychology, but I am just not sure what would help most, and what would fit my personality and our family. My wife's health has been OK lately, with small problems and fatigue, but we know that my current career is temporary while we try to piece together the next step.

So, we find our life at a constant flux with the knowledge that we will probably not be living in the same town or doing the same job a year or so from now. We are even considering home schooling so that we have more control over how much rest my wife can get in a day. Right now she is at home sleeping because she is just not getting enough rest. Trying to find a balance in life is so hard, with or without MS, but I feel more out of balance right now than I have in a long time. Along with helping my family, I am running another business and trying to help my wife with a business she has started. Sometimes it amazes me at how resilient and strong my wife is. She so badly wants to contribute financially to our family, and she isn't afraid to jump out there and try new things and push her limits, even thought she knows it could mean problems with her MS.

She started an all natural cleaning service a few years ago, but has recently taken it to the next step and is really pushing the business. She is doing great, and is actually having problems getting to all of the work because she is getting so many calls. This business has been great for her, and she does a wonderful job with her clients. With her business, and the two businesses I run, our lives are just too full. I guess it all comes back to our priorities in life, but I want to spend time with my daughter and wife, and I want to make sure my wife's health is taken care of. We will figure it out! I will decide on what the next step will be, and the MS in our lives will be there, but it will not rule the day. Sometimes I think our lives are complete chaos, but maybe that is balance for us. Maybe, just maybe we are most balanced when we are stretching and growing and living in spite of MS or any other inconveniences in life. Maybe we are in balance when we are totally out of balance, or maybe we just like to punish ourselves with so much stuff. :)

7 comments:

Ganesh said...

Hi;
Its been a year that I am married and my wife is diagnosed with MS. She has suicidal tendencies, fatigue and has depression problems.
Due to the above problems, I was finding it difficult to adjust with her and din't find love in her. I tried my level best but things have gone beyond me and my family control.
I always dreamt of having a family,kids.My dreams are shattered.
Please advice wether I should separate from my wife??She is not agreeing for a divorcee and her parents are forcing me to be in a relationship with my wife..I dnt want to pretend or cheat myself that I like her and would prefer separation...
I want your advice on why should I go for a divorcee?? If not why not??
Waiting...
A wanderer

Cory said...

Hey Ganesh, I am so sorry I haven't responded to your comment. I missed it somehow but I wanted make sure and comment now on your situation. I don't know your whole story but I wanted to let you know that you can have a normal life with a spouse with MS. I have a biological daughter so kids are possible. Your wife needs you now more than ever. She needs support and needs to know that you are there, because there is so much in her life that is not normal and is causing her stress. I would never recommend seperation over MS, and would really suggest that you seek out a marriage counselor to try and work through your specific issues. Many local churches offer free counseling for just this type of situation. I will be in prayer for you and your wife and please let me know if I can help any further.

Anonymous said...

Well i can tell you my life is hell, its an emotional roller coaster of love and hate and i never know when it will start. She can go to bed loving me and then hating me the next day and not even no why just that she knows its been that way all her life. I have no help from her family or doctors they don't see what i see. Make a choice before its to late i wish i would have.

Rich said...

Wow, I am stunned at how some of you feel regarding your loved ones disease. In human compassion simplest.forms we find it is instinct to protect and preserve our kind, let alone the ones we are affectionate with. Your responses make me fearful that we as a species will survive in a revised way.
I married my wife knowing she had M.S.. it was not important to me. As a matter of fact as I fell in love with her it became apparent to Me how much she needed me. I love her, we fight the disease together. At ten years she can't walk by my side anymore, but she will dam sure run you over in her buggy if you try to take that place.from her! I love the woman inside, and I love how she loves me. I will die for this family member, she is part of me, and I a part of her. Thank you heavenly father for this wonderful gift. I don't know why you chose me, but I am a blessed man.

Abigalm said...

@ Anonymous Is it possible that your wife may also have a borderline personality? I've never heard of MS causing such radical shifts in someone's opinion ie: Loving you one minuet fully and then hating you the next, thinking you're amazing and have always been that way to thinking you're awful and have always been awful. Just saying, it's possible she could have a comorbid disorder. I feel you should attend marriage counseling and get to the bottom of it.

Anonymous said...

HI, mood swings are something that goes with MS , and my wife seems to change moods in a minute also, i,m the best in the world for a few days then for no reason i become the enmy, and her relations(the inlaws) cant see it , so i,m on my own and cant sort a solution, any ideas ????

Cory said...

Hi Anonymous, sorry to hear about the struggles you are having. I know that my wife's moods can change in a flash, and many times she doesn't realize how extreme they change. I know that we have done all sorts of things through the years, and when our life is out of balance, it just makes the mood swings worse. The more stress, struggle and chaos in our lives, the more moody she is and I am. So, we try to be aware of our patterns and also when we are having issues. I have some other things we have tried so shoot me an email if you want to know more - mywifehasms@gmail.com.