Living In Conflict

We are moved but not moved in. The last few weeks have been crazy and the chaos has taken it's toll on my wife. The move was tough and we are in a small apartment temporarily so we are cramped and have boxes everywhere. On top of that my wifen has been offered multiple jobs but feels a lot of conflict about whether she should take the job and provide a big jump for us in pay or spend the time with our daughter. I know she feels pulled in all directions right now, and I can see the effects of the stress in her emotional state. She feels like laughing one moment and crying the next.

Life with Multiple Sclerosis can create some very difficult decisions. I know that we have had to make decisions about my wife working, having a child, participating in activities she loves and sometimes just what to do during any one of the days she is feeling tired and down. Her heart sometimes will get her in trouble because she wants to do so much more than her body will allow. She has worked herself into sickness many times through the years because of the drive she has to help people. Even activities with our daughter can overwhelm her and cause her to over work her body.

Some of these decisions have been made for us because her body will just shut down with fatigue, numbness or pain. I know that this is so frustrating for her because she wants to participate in something but can't, due to MS. Even though she was diagnosed over 20 years ago with MS, she still becomes frustrated regularly with the decisions Multiple Sclerosis forces her to make. I have watched her walk herself numb due to the desire to spend a day with our daughter or become so fatigued that she will need to sleep multiple days to regain her strength from helping others. Sometimes I will try to stop her and other times I know that it is more important for her to listen to her heart than to listen to the voice of reason concerning her MS.

I realize that my wife's MS will continue to cause conflict in our lives, but we do have choices. I run into others with MS all the time, and many of them have adjusted and are living life to the fullest and others seem defeated and depressed. Multiple Sclerosis is ruthless and very rarely takes the day off with my wife, but I am always astounded at what she can accomplish and what she is able to do. It is also amazing to watch the looks we get when we share with others that she has MS. Most people seem to expect her to have limited mobility and not be able to do much, but she amazes them when they see her living life normally. We will always live with some conflict in our lives, but it doesn't have to rule our lives.